Do As I Am Doing... Follow Follow Me.

All I have ever wanted is to be my own person. I feel that we as a people are so wrapped up in what others are doing, thinking, feeling that we forget our own little existence and how important it is. We are consumed with what others will think of us, worrying if we are going to be judged because we took a different path. We do not stop and think of what we really want, and what is even more rare, we don't do what what we really want.

Many times we let others choose our paths, our way of life because they are doing it. It is like the old question, "Would you jump off a bridge because everyone else is?" Well, when you apply other questions to that scenario, there are times we do exactly what everyone else does... because it supposedly the best way to do things. I am not saying that every single idea has to be your own. You can look at someone else and aspire to be like them or want to do what they have done. Just do it because you want to, not because you are concerned with what people are going to say if you do or don't.

Too many people for too many generations have fallen into what I like to call "The Mindless Drone Trap". They have no expectations for themselves except the expectations that others have for them. No idea who they are, or what they want in life. Concerned with one thing... to make others happy. Nothing to look forward to except a nice little cube to put small little pictures of your dog into. ??? Why are dolt-less drones satisfactory? Are you that worthless, that you do not deserve to have your own life?

All I have ever wanted is to have my very own unique little life. A life where I live how I want to live, with no worries if someone is judging me. I think I have finally embraced that. I have finally shouted to the world... "Screw you! This is my life, and I will do what I want with it." I will be who I want to be and no other.

Forever Yours...

I loved you before, and I love you now.
Though telling you is frightening,
I feel I must tell you still.
Since that night you placed your lips on mine,
my thoughts are about you.
Your eyes pierce my very soul,
your smile has my heart.
Your words send shivers down my spine,
and butterflies in my stomach.
I love when you look at me,
or touch me so slyly.
I am yours to hold,
to kiss,
to love...
You will forever have me.

The Ramblings Of A Mad Woman.

I wonder if I said random things during this blog if people would stay and read the whole thing? Lets give it a try! First off, there is a disclaimer... I am not saying it is going to be a wholesome experience. There will be profanity, drugs and probably some nudes. Now that is out of the way, lets get started!

I want you to clear your mind and close your eyes.... well don't close your eyes! That would defeat the purpose of this exercise. Just clear your mind... yes yes that will do. Now I want you to think of a tree. A huge walnut tree. You are laying on the ground looking up at this tree. You notice the leaves, how they curve and twist. You see the walnut pods hanging from the branches. Notice how they sway in the wind? I do. There is music coming from this tree. Rustling leaves kissing each other as the bump up against the other one. Smell the earth, appreciate it for what it is. This tree symbolizes your growth in this world. Each branch telling a story. The walnuts are the fruit of your labors. The leaves are the beauty within.

What if I told you that I only had one arm... would you still like me. If you said no... your a punk and deserves to be slapped... with my one arm! What if I told you that I love pouring butter on pizza and then dipping it into mustard? Psh! Better than what you eat! And you think I am gross! What if I told you that my favorite thing to do is to play jump rope with snakes? What if I told you that my favorite past time is planting rocks in the garden, watering them and hoping I could grow unicorns? What if I told you that you had something on your face... and it looks like a a piece of toast? What if I told you I want to cuddle up to a sloth?

No, I am not crazy... just a little off in the head. But remind yourself that this is why you love me. I figure why be normal when it is so much fun being mad! You get to take all sorts of pills! I know... I should want to "fit in"... but I can not see that being to much fun. Why wear clothes if running around naked suits you just fine? I just show my colors to the world... if you don't like it, close your eyes. When you are insane, things are always bigger than you! Every problem or event is blown into a thousand different proportions. Who would not love that? Plus, people always look out of the corner of their eye and walk around you in a wide circle... maybe I have aids?!? You don't know! Or the clap! You never know with the nutters out...

There you have it... my rambles for the day.

From Slimy Worm Mommies To Yucky Raisin Bran

You probably already know this, but I love my little offspring, Addalynn. She is the funniest little kid I have ever met. Addy has a mind of her own and does what she wants when she wants. When I watch her without her knowing, Addy can entertain me for hours.

Addalynn walks around in clothes that she picked out herself. For example, she is wearing her flower pajama bottoms with a yellow and orange striped dress and pink hoodie over the top. She has on brown cowboy boots and her crazy Indian beanie. When I try to change her before we go somewhere, she starts throwing the biggest fit I have ever seen. She is proud of what she is wearing and unfortunately when we go out she looks like a homeless child.

While playing, Addy is known for her imagination. The girl loves to play with her little kitchen. But the funny part is she does not play in her kitchen like a normal little kid, you know cooking food and washing dishes. Addy takes her Little Tykes people and put them in the pots and cooks them for her favorite stuffed monkey. I am slyly standing by her door, and trying not to laugh as she says, "Here monkey, eat them for dinner!" I thought that was great! What a crazy imagination. The best part is she actually acknowledged the fact there was a "them". Somehow I just know she will take over the world and boil us for flying monkeys.

Addalynn is also known for the little remarks that come out of her mouth. Addalynn loves playing in the dirt and finding worms. One time she came over with a worm and told me, "Mommy I love wormy!" I said, "Oh yeah?" She looks at me and says, "Mommy is wormy!" I guess in her mind this was the biggest accomplishment anyone could have. I mean, if she loves worms, and if you are like a worm, what could possibly be better than that?

Along that same note, I love how Addalynn's mind thinks. She was looking at the moon for quite some time one night. She turns to look at me and says, "Mommy, moon is broken!" I had no idea what she meant. So I asked her, "The moon is broken?", of course she says yes. I asked her some questions trying to figure out what she meant. It was then Spencer came up and she said the same thing to him, "Daddy, moon is broken!". Spencer, having the same personality and way of thinking as Addy, looked up and said, "Oh yeah! It is broken!" Spencer told me that she meant it was a half moon. I never thought about it that way! I guess with all the books we read to her, the moon is always a full circle. What a smart little lass!

My favorite thing that Addalynn does is make up her own little mind. Whenever she makes up her mind, no one can tell her otherwise. For example, Addy was having breakfast this morning and she asked me for cereal. Well, the only cereal we had was Raisin Bran. I knew she would hate it, so I told her I would make her eggs and toast. She started whining at me telling her she wanted "sheree". So I poured her some cereal, knowing that she will not eat it. Well the girl surprised me. Addy started eating it and she looked at me on the first bite and said, "Addy don't like it!" So I tried taking it away, but she yelled at me and told me to give it back to her. Annoyed, I tried to tell her if she didn't like it, then I would give her something else. But the girl is so stubborn! She said no, and actually ate the cereal. She hated it, but she ate it because she did not want to eat what I suggested! What a little butt!

I love Addy, she is my little baby girl. Watching her grow into her own little self makes me laugh. She can be a little monster at times, but I would not give it up for anything in the world. Even if that means I am her slimy worm.

Making Mistakes

Have you ever made a mistake that you regret the instant it happens? Well, I have. The bigger problem is, I don't know how to make it right. Any suggestions? I will take anything... any advice would do. That is all.

A Short Rant About Sleep.

So raise your hand if your slumber has been turned topsy turvy! Well mine has! For the past month I have had the craziest "sleep" I have ever had. There has been some things that are different happening in my life that might explain a few changes, but seriously what the hell?

First off, I take this med that will literally put me to sleep at 7:00 pm if I take it early enough. And I am not talking about getting sleepy... I am talking about knocks you out cold! My friend Molly can vouch for me! Remember Molly? Out like a light on your bed during our BBQ? HA HA! Good times! But alas, I figured out when to take my medicine, so no more falling asleep in my dinner.

Secondly, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with the craziest notions! For example, I received a call last night from someone in my ward reminding me about a lesson I am teaching. This lesson has me cooking, so of course I am off looking at my recipes and finding the best ingredients. Well I woke up in the middle of the night, startled because I thought I had to run off and grab something right then from the store. It leaves me with this crazy jittery sensation. I hate it.

Last, but certainly not least, are my dreams. Now some of you know I dream so vividly, that it is real for the first couple of minutes when I first wake up. For example, if I was dreaming about a man... let's say Chris Hemsworth (woot woot!) in my bed, I wake up thinking he will be there! Which, lets be honest... what woman doesn't want Thor in her bed?



I rest my case. Anyways, getting back to my topic... yes dreams. My dreams have been more than a little vivid, and happening a little to often. Now you may want to know the current topic of my dreams... sorry, that is saved for certain ears only. Jeeze! Off topic again! I am just trying to say that my dreams are getting out of control, and I am not sleeping well at night. It is very frustrating for more than just one reason. Sorry, those "reasons" are also privileged.

This past month has been crazy. I am hoping that I do not go insane before my sleep patterns kill me. But who knows... maybe being insane is enlightening.

Beauty Among Him

The Lion opens his mouth as if he were to yawn,

but instead he speaks to the world around him.

He proclaims his love for the wild forests and the high mountains,

For the profound pride land that escapes his breath,

For the creatures both big and small,

For the beauty that encases his magnificent spirit.

Nothing is beneath him.

He is one with the spiritual...