I see you out of the corner of my eye
with your enticing shapes and colors.
I can smell your radiance,
and it brings me closer.
I try so hard to resist,
but I know I can not...
should not...
will not...
I know once you touch my lips
I will be forever yours.
I want to feel the warmth in my
soul that you will bring.
I want to hear the birds sing
after we are together.
I need you.
I crave you.
I love you...
my sweet delectable white chocolate brownie.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Spinning Technique.
I am writing this in hopes I don't have to vomit afterward. To explain my statement, I am sick (if you can call it that) with Viral Labyrinthitis. Yes it is actually real! I had to go look it up when I got home from the Doctors office... I mean come on, Labyrinthitis totally sounds fake! I wanted to laugh when she told me the diagnosis. Basically I have acute vertigo, because of this "world spinning around me" feeling has me so nauseated that I am throwing up as soon as I get up in the morning. So... what did she give me to help with the dizziness? Valium. A hard-core pain med? Really? Well, Valium is a vestibular suppressant. Basically Valium will repress the motion sickness feeling. Interesting huh? At any rate, taking this drug has severely reduced my brain to simple thinking. I feel like I can not finish a sentence without zoning out, drool dripping from my slightly open mouth. So there you go... I have a made up symptom and a super pain killer to put me out of my misery.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Fair Maidens And Bad Luck
Here is the story of a fair maiden's woes and a Royal Guard who was ticket happy. So the other day, I got a speeding ticket. Yes... I was going way to fast in a 25 mph zone. But listen up! It was not totally my fault! I know everyone must say that, but it is true! You want to hear the story... well hear it goes.
Once upon a time, there was a fair maiden. She had long brunette hair, blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. But what was really special about this maiden was her ability to get herself into trouble. Oh yes... this maiden was very special. She never meant to get into trouble... trouble would just find her.
Well, this young maiden had a very important event to attend, and she was already running late! She slipped into her finest ball gown, put on her glass flip flops and rushed out the door. Of course she had the young princess of Lewis-ville with her... so that took five minutes getting her into the carriage.
After all the commotion, they were finally on their way! The royal musicians were playing her favorite song, and the road was clear... but then something happened! While driving the carriage, the fair maiden's foot got caught under the pedal! She could not get it out... she panicked. Instead of pressing on the break she accidentally pressed on the gas! The carriage went flying!
Down the 400 South hill she went! 100 mph! As she was slowing down, she saw a flicker of light in the corner of her eye. It was one of the Royal Guard... chasing her down! Being the good citizen she was, she pulled the carriage over, and pulled the curtain to the side.
The Royal Guard strolled up to the side of the carriage, slyly placed his arm on the window and said, "Fair maiden, does thee know how fast thee was traveling?" Knowing, the maiden said, "Yes sir, I am sorry... but my foot..." but he stopped her from finishing. He asked for her papers and went back to his horse.
All the while, the maiden pleaded with the Gods above that they would save her from the worst. But alas, this is not the story of a fair maiden who didn't find trouble...
The Royal Guard returned with a slip of paper in his hand. Yes, she received a ticket. Now, as the story goes... she has to go to traffic school and pay 150 gold coins to fix her mistake.
The moral of the story, don't wear glass flip flops while driving on a Guard crazy street.
The End
Okay, in all honesty... the cop was a jerk. He was not even in his car when I passed by. He had pulled over someone else and was walking back to his car when he saw me. So not only did he not have any idea how fast I was going, but he lied to me telling me I was going 43. NOT! I was going 32 max! The best part he was super nice! If your going to be a putz, then be a putz! Erg... anyways I guess it could be worse... he could have found my heroine, booze and that dead body in my trunk.
Once upon a time, there was a fair maiden. She had long brunette hair, blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. But what was really special about this maiden was her ability to get herself into trouble. Oh yes... this maiden was very special. She never meant to get into trouble... trouble would just find her.
Well, this young maiden had a very important event to attend, and she was already running late! She slipped into her finest ball gown, put on her glass flip flops and rushed out the door. Of course she had the young princess of Lewis-ville with her... so that took five minutes getting her into the carriage.
After all the commotion, they were finally on their way! The royal musicians were playing her favorite song, and the road was clear... but then something happened! While driving the carriage, the fair maiden's foot got caught under the pedal! She could not get it out... she panicked. Instead of pressing on the break she accidentally pressed on the gas! The carriage went flying!
Down the 400 South hill she went! 100 mph! As she was slowing down, she saw a flicker of light in the corner of her eye. It was one of the Royal Guard... chasing her down! Being the good citizen she was, she pulled the carriage over, and pulled the curtain to the side.
The Royal Guard strolled up to the side of the carriage, slyly placed his arm on the window and said, "Fair maiden, does thee know how fast thee was traveling?" Knowing, the maiden said, "Yes sir, I am sorry... but my foot..." but he stopped her from finishing. He asked for her papers and went back to his horse.
All the while, the maiden pleaded with the Gods above that they would save her from the worst. But alas, this is not the story of a fair maiden who didn't find trouble...
The Royal Guard returned with a slip of paper in his hand. Yes, she received a ticket. Now, as the story goes... she has to go to traffic school and pay 150 gold coins to fix her mistake.
The moral of the story, don't wear glass flip flops while driving on a Guard crazy street.
The End
Okay, in all honesty... the cop was a jerk. He was not even in his car when I passed by. He had pulled over someone else and was walking back to his car when he saw me. So not only did he not have any idea how fast I was going, but he lied to me telling me I was going 43. NOT! I was going 32 max! The best part he was super nice! If your going to be a putz, then be a putz! Erg... anyways I guess it could be worse... he could have found my heroine, booze and that dead body in my trunk.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Honesty Is Not A Luxury...
So I am on a rant today... You know, I don't really understand people. I try very hard to be a kind and understanding person... but what do I get in return? A bunch of BS! I am told "we should hang out" or my personal favorite, "Give me call and we will do something". So here I go... I call... I suggest... I put myself out there. But nothing! It drives me up the wall! Don't ask me to be a friend if you can not do the same. I may be a little crazy at times, or may piss people off... but I do try. My intentions are not to hurt people, and if I have hurt you or pissed you off... you should now it was not intentional. I will always say I am sorry, and try to do better the next time. I will always be there and I do my best to be a good friend. I dunno... I should not complain... but dammit people! Come on!!! Just be honest with me, like I am honest with you! That is all...
Friday, August 5, 2011
Do As I Am Doing... Follow Follow Me.
All I have ever wanted is to be my own person. I feel that we as a people are so wrapped up in what others are doing, thinking, feeling that we forget our own little existence and how important it is. We are consumed with what others will think of us, worrying if we are going to be judged because we took a different path. We do not stop and think of what we really want, and what is even more rare, we don't do what what we really want.
Many times we let others choose our paths, our way of life because they are doing it. It is like the old question, "Would you jump off a bridge because everyone else is?" Well, when you apply other questions to that scenario, there are times we do exactly what everyone else does... because it supposedly the best way to do things. I am not saying that every single idea has to be your own. You can look at someone else and aspire to be like them or want to do what they have done. Just do it because you want to, not because you are concerned with what people are going to say if you do or don't.
Too many people for too many generations have fallen into what I like to call "The Mindless Drone Trap". They have no expectations for themselves except the expectations that others have for them. No idea who they are, or what they want in life. Concerned with one thing... to make others happy. Nothing to look forward to except a nice little cube to put small little pictures of your dog into. ??? Why are dolt-less drones satisfactory? Are you that worthless, that you do not deserve to have your own life?
All I have ever wanted is to have my very own unique little life. A life where I live how I want to live, with no worries if someone is judging me. I think I have finally embraced that. I have finally shouted to the world... "Screw you! This is my life, and I will do what I want with it." I will be who I want to be and no other.
Many times we let others choose our paths, our way of life because they are doing it. It is like the old question, "Would you jump off a bridge because everyone else is?" Well, when you apply other questions to that scenario, there are times we do exactly what everyone else does... because it supposedly the best way to do things. I am not saying that every single idea has to be your own. You can look at someone else and aspire to be like them or want to do what they have done. Just do it because you want to, not because you are concerned with what people are going to say if you do or don't.
Too many people for too many generations have fallen into what I like to call "The Mindless Drone Trap". They have no expectations for themselves except the expectations that others have for them. No idea who they are, or what they want in life. Concerned with one thing... to make others happy. Nothing to look forward to except a nice little cube to put small little pictures of your dog into. ??? Why are dolt-less drones satisfactory? Are you that worthless, that you do not deserve to have your own life?
All I have ever wanted is to have my very own unique little life. A life where I live how I want to live, with no worries if someone is judging me. I think I have finally embraced that. I have finally shouted to the world... "Screw you! This is my life, and I will do what I want with it." I will be who I want to be and no other.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Forever Yours...
I loved you before, and I love you now.
Though telling you is frightening,
I feel I must tell you still.
Since that night you placed your lips on mine,
my thoughts are about you.
Your eyes pierce my very soul,
your smile has my heart.
Your words send shivers down my spine,
and butterflies in my stomach.
I love when you look at me,
or touch me so slyly.
I am yours to hold,
to kiss,
to love...
You will forever have me.
Though telling you is frightening,
I feel I must tell you still.
Since that night you placed your lips on mine,
my thoughts are about you.
Your eyes pierce my very soul,
your smile has my heart.
Your words send shivers down my spine,
and butterflies in my stomach.
I love when you look at me,
or touch me so slyly.
I am yours to hold,
to kiss,
to love...
You will forever have me.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Ramblings Of A Mad Woman.
I wonder if I said random things during this blog if people would stay and read the whole thing? Lets give it a try! First off, there is a disclaimer... I am not saying it is going to be a wholesome experience. There will be profanity, drugs and probably some nudes. Now that is out of the way, lets get started!
I want you to clear your mind and close your eyes.... well don't close your eyes! That would defeat the purpose of this exercise. Just clear your mind... yes yes that will do. Now I want you to think of a tree. A huge walnut tree. You are laying on the ground looking up at this tree. You notice the leaves, how they curve and twist. You see the walnut pods hanging from the branches. Notice how they sway in the wind? I do. There is music coming from this tree. Rustling leaves kissing each other as the bump up against the other one. Smell the earth, appreciate it for what it is. This tree symbolizes your growth in this world. Each branch telling a story. The walnuts are the fruit of your labors. The leaves are the beauty within.
What if I told you that I only had one arm... would you still like me. If you said no... your a punk and deserves to be slapped... with my one arm! What if I told you that I love pouring butter on pizza and then dipping it into mustard? Psh! Better than what you eat! And you think I am gross! What if I told you that my favorite thing to do is to play jump rope with snakes? What if I told you that my favorite past time is planting rocks in the garden, watering them and hoping I could grow unicorns? What if I told you that you had something on your face... and it looks like a a piece of toast? What if I told you I want to cuddle up to a sloth?
No, I am not crazy... just a little off in the head. But remind yourself that this is why you love me. I figure why be normal when it is so much fun being mad! You get to take all sorts of pills! I know... I should want to "fit in"... but I can not see that being to much fun. Why wear clothes if running around naked suits you just fine? I just show my colors to the world... if you don't like it, close your eyes. When you are insane, things are always bigger than you! Every problem or event is blown into a thousand different proportions. Who would not love that? Plus, people always look out of the corner of their eye and walk around you in a wide circle... maybe I have aids?!? You don't know! Or the clap! You never know with the nutters out...
There you have it... my rambles for the day.
I want you to clear your mind and close your eyes.... well don't close your eyes! That would defeat the purpose of this exercise. Just clear your mind... yes yes that will do. Now I want you to think of a tree. A huge walnut tree. You are laying on the ground looking up at this tree. You notice the leaves, how they curve and twist. You see the walnut pods hanging from the branches. Notice how they sway in the wind? I do. There is music coming from this tree. Rustling leaves kissing each other as the bump up against the other one. Smell the earth, appreciate it for what it is. This tree symbolizes your growth in this world. Each branch telling a story. The walnuts are the fruit of your labors. The leaves are the beauty within.
What if I told you that I only had one arm... would you still like me. If you said no... your a punk and deserves to be slapped... with my one arm! What if I told you that I love pouring butter on pizza and then dipping it into mustard? Psh! Better than what you eat! And you think I am gross! What if I told you that my favorite thing to do is to play jump rope with snakes? What if I told you that my favorite past time is planting rocks in the garden, watering them and hoping I could grow unicorns? What if I told you that you had something on your face... and it looks like a a piece of toast? What if I told you I want to cuddle up to a sloth?
No, I am not crazy... just a little off in the head. But remind yourself that this is why you love me. I figure why be normal when it is so much fun being mad! You get to take all sorts of pills! I know... I should want to "fit in"... but I can not see that being to much fun. Why wear clothes if running around naked suits you just fine? I just show my colors to the world... if you don't like it, close your eyes. When you are insane, things are always bigger than you! Every problem or event is blown into a thousand different proportions. Who would not love that? Plus, people always look out of the corner of their eye and walk around you in a wide circle... maybe I have aids?!? You don't know! Or the clap! You never know with the nutters out...
There you have it... my rambles for the day.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
From Slimy Worm Mommies To Yucky Raisin Bran
You probably already know this, but I love my little offspring, Addalynn. She is the funniest little kid I have ever met. Addy has a mind of her own and does what she wants when she wants. When I watch her without her knowing, Addy can entertain me for hours.
Addalynn walks around in clothes that she picked out herself. For example, she is wearing her flower pajama bottoms with a yellow and orange striped dress and pink hoodie over the top. She has on brown cowboy boots and her crazy Indian beanie. When I try to change her before we go somewhere, she starts throwing the biggest fit I have ever seen. She is proud of what she is wearing and unfortunately when we go out she looks like a homeless child.
While playing, Addy is known for her imagination. The girl loves to play with her little kitchen. But the funny part is she does not play in her kitchen like a normal little kid, you know cooking food and washing dishes. Addy takes her Little Tykes people and put them in the pots and cooks them for her favorite stuffed monkey. I am slyly standing by her door, and trying not to laugh as she says, "Here monkey, eat them for dinner!" I thought that was great! What a crazy imagination. The best part is she actually acknowledged the fact there was a "them". Somehow I just know she will take over the world and boil us for flying monkeys.
Addalynn is also known for the little remarks that come out of her mouth. Addalynn loves playing in the dirt and finding worms. One time she came over with a worm and told me, "Mommy I love wormy!" I said, "Oh yeah?" She looks at me and says, "Mommy is wormy!" I guess in her mind this was the biggest accomplishment anyone could have. I mean, if she loves worms, and if you are like a worm, what could possibly be better than that?
Along that same note, I love how Addalynn's mind thinks. She was looking at the moon for quite some time one night. She turns to look at me and says, "Mommy, moon is broken!" I had no idea what she meant. So I asked her, "The moon is broken?", of course she says yes. I asked her some questions trying to figure out what she meant. It was then Spencer came up and she said the same thing to him, "Daddy, moon is broken!". Spencer, having the same personality and way of thinking as Addy, looked up and said, "Oh yeah! It is broken!" Spencer told me that she meant it was a half moon. I never thought about it that way! I guess with all the books we read to her, the moon is always a full circle. What a smart little lass!
My favorite thing that Addalynn does is make up her own little mind. Whenever she makes up her mind, no one can tell her otherwise. For example, Addy was having breakfast this morning and she asked me for cereal. Well, the only cereal we had was Raisin Bran. I knew she would hate it, so I told her I would make her eggs and toast. She started whining at me telling her she wanted "sheree". So I poured her some cereal, knowing that she will not eat it. Well the girl surprised me. Addy started eating it and she looked at me on the first bite and said, "Addy don't like it!" So I tried taking it away, but she yelled at me and told me to give it back to her. Annoyed, I tried to tell her if she didn't like it, then I would give her something else. But the girl is so stubborn! She said no, and actually ate the cereal. She hated it, but she ate it because she did not want to eat what I suggested! What a little butt!
I love Addy, she is my little baby girl. Watching her grow into her own little self makes me laugh. She can be a little monster at times, but I would not give it up for anything in the world. Even if that means I am her slimy worm.
Addalynn walks around in clothes that she picked out herself. For example, she is wearing her flower pajama bottoms with a yellow and orange striped dress and pink hoodie over the top. She has on brown cowboy boots and her crazy Indian beanie. When I try to change her before we go somewhere, she starts throwing the biggest fit I have ever seen. She is proud of what she is wearing and unfortunately when we go out she looks like a homeless child.
While playing, Addy is known for her imagination. The girl loves to play with her little kitchen. But the funny part is she does not play in her kitchen like a normal little kid, you know cooking food and washing dishes. Addy takes her Little Tykes people and put them in the pots and cooks them for her favorite stuffed monkey. I am slyly standing by her door, and trying not to laugh as she says, "Here monkey, eat them for dinner!" I thought that was great! What a crazy imagination. The best part is she actually acknowledged the fact there was a "them". Somehow I just know she will take over the world and boil us for flying monkeys.
Addalynn is also known for the little remarks that come out of her mouth. Addalynn loves playing in the dirt and finding worms. One time she came over with a worm and told me, "Mommy I love wormy!" I said, "Oh yeah?" She looks at me and says, "Mommy is wormy!" I guess in her mind this was the biggest accomplishment anyone could have. I mean, if she loves worms, and if you are like a worm, what could possibly be better than that?
Along that same note, I love how Addalynn's mind thinks. She was looking at the moon for quite some time one night. She turns to look at me and says, "Mommy, moon is broken!" I had no idea what she meant. So I asked her, "The moon is broken?", of course she says yes. I asked her some questions trying to figure out what she meant. It was then Spencer came up and she said the same thing to him, "Daddy, moon is broken!". Spencer, having the same personality and way of thinking as Addy, looked up and said, "Oh yeah! It is broken!" Spencer told me that she meant it was a half moon. I never thought about it that way! I guess with all the books we read to her, the moon is always a full circle. What a smart little lass!
My favorite thing that Addalynn does is make up her own little mind. Whenever she makes up her mind, no one can tell her otherwise. For example, Addy was having breakfast this morning and she asked me for cereal. Well, the only cereal we had was Raisin Bran. I knew she would hate it, so I told her I would make her eggs and toast. She started whining at me telling her she wanted "sheree". So I poured her some cereal, knowing that she will not eat it. Well the girl surprised me. Addy started eating it and she looked at me on the first bite and said, "Addy don't like it!" So I tried taking it away, but she yelled at me and told me to give it back to her. Annoyed, I tried to tell her if she didn't like it, then I would give her something else. But the girl is so stubborn! She said no, and actually ate the cereal. She hated it, but she ate it because she did not want to eat what I suggested! What a little butt!
I love Addy, she is my little baby girl. Watching her grow into her own little self makes me laugh. She can be a little monster at times, but I would not give it up for anything in the world. Even if that means I am her slimy worm.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Making Mistakes
Have you ever made a mistake that you regret the instant it happens? Well, I have. The bigger problem is, I don't know how to make it right. Any suggestions? I will take anything... any advice would do. That is all.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
A Short Rant About Sleep.
So raise your hand if your slumber has been turned topsy turvy! Well mine has! For the past month I have had the craziest "sleep" I have ever had. There has been some things that are different happening in my life that might explain a few changes, but seriously what the hell?
First off, I take this med that will literally put me to sleep at 7:00 pm if I take it early enough. And I am not talking about getting sleepy... I am talking about knocks you out cold! My friend Molly can vouch for me! Remember Molly? Out like a light on your bed during our BBQ? HA HA! Good times! But alas, I figured out when to take my medicine, so no more falling asleep in my dinner.
Secondly, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with the craziest notions! For example, I received a call last night from someone in my ward reminding me about a lesson I am teaching. This lesson has me cooking, so of course I am off looking at my recipes and finding the best ingredients. Well I woke up in the middle of the night, startled because I thought I had to run off and grab something right then from the store. It leaves me with this crazy jittery sensation. I hate it.
Last, but certainly not least, are my dreams. Now some of you know I dream so vividly, that it is real for the first couple of minutes when I first wake up. For example, if I was dreaming about a man... let's say Chris Hemsworth (woot woot!) in my bed, I wake up thinking he will be there! Which, lets be honest... what woman doesn't want Thor in her bed?
I rest my case. Anyways, getting back to my topic... yes dreams. My dreams have been more than a little vivid, and happening a little to often. Now you may want to know the current topic of my dreams... sorry, that is saved for certain ears only. Jeeze! Off topic again! I am just trying to say that my dreams are getting out of control, and I am not sleeping well at night. It is very frustrating for more than just one reason. Sorry, those "reasons" are also privileged.
This past month has been crazy. I am hoping that I do not go insane before my sleep patterns kill me. But who knows... maybe being insane is enlightening.
First off, I take this med that will literally put me to sleep at 7:00 pm if I take it early enough. And I am not talking about getting sleepy... I am talking about knocks you out cold! My friend Molly can vouch for me! Remember Molly? Out like a light on your bed during our BBQ? HA HA! Good times! But alas, I figured out when to take my medicine, so no more falling asleep in my dinner.
Secondly, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with the craziest notions! For example, I received a call last night from someone in my ward reminding me about a lesson I am teaching. This lesson has me cooking, so of course I am off looking at my recipes and finding the best ingredients. Well I woke up in the middle of the night, startled because I thought I had to run off and grab something right then from the store. It leaves me with this crazy jittery sensation. I hate it.
Last, but certainly not least, are my dreams. Now some of you know I dream so vividly, that it is real for the first couple of minutes when I first wake up. For example, if I was dreaming about a man... let's say Chris Hemsworth (woot woot!) in my bed, I wake up thinking he will be there! Which, lets be honest... what woman doesn't want Thor in her bed?
I rest my case. Anyways, getting back to my topic... yes dreams. My dreams have been more than a little vivid, and happening a little to often. Now you may want to know the current topic of my dreams... sorry, that is saved for certain ears only. Jeeze! Off topic again! I am just trying to say that my dreams are getting out of control, and I am not sleeping well at night. It is very frustrating for more than just one reason. Sorry, those "reasons" are also privileged.
This past month has been crazy. I am hoping that I do not go insane before my sleep patterns kill me. But who knows... maybe being insane is enlightening.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Beauty Among Him
The Lion opens his mouth as if he were to yawn,
but instead he speaks to the world around him.
He proclaims his love for the wild forests and the high mountains,
For the profound pride land that escapes his breath,
For the creatures both big and small,
For the beauty that encases his magnificent spirit.
Nothing is beneath him.
He is one with the spiritual...
Two And A Half Years
I know that everyone has their battles they are facing, and I am not so naive to think I am the only one with problems... but I feel like I have had more than my fair share lately. Many of you do not know what has been going on. And the only reason I am talking about it now is because I need to get it out. Plus I know not a lot of people read my blog anyways, so writing it all down will not bee that big of a deal. Also, I am not writing this to get a pity party, because I have had enough of that already. I just don't want everything to be so hush hush anymore. I feel like I am literally walking on eggshells around people because I am so scared that they will find out my "big secret". And really, it is not that big of a deal anyways. So here is goes...
Two and a half years ago I had the most beautiful baby girl in the world. She was perfect. She had to go to the NICU for two weeks, but other than that she was amazing. When she came home she was so good. She never cried unless she was hungry or needed some mommy time. But for some reason I was not happy. I cried all the time. My nerves were on edge all the time. And I felt like an insane person. My life went on like this for about a year until I could not handle it anymore. I was literally tearing my hair out because of the stress of it all. So I confided in my two best friends. One just loved me and told me that it will be okay, and the other told me to go to my doctor.
So I went to the doctor and he said I had post-pardem depression. I thought, "Okay, this is dealable right?" I was given something for the depression and I went along my way. It was going to take about a month to take a real affect, so I bid my time and waited. After a month, things were still not better, I actually felt worse because I was depressed that this was not working. I felt I should have been fixed by now! What the hell, right! So I went back to the doctor and of course I was given something else to try. Alas, it failed and I was right back where I started. So one day I just gave up. I was sitting on my kitchen floor crying when Addy came up to me needing something and I did not respond. She was smacking me on the face, and I got up and went to my room and started bawling. Again, sitting on the floor, in a big heap of unfolded laundry, I sat there crying. Then I stopped and went numb.
Everything felt like a dream. Nothing was real, and I felt nothing.. I could hear two people talking to me, but still I was gone. Next thing I know someone I did not know was picking me up and I started to scream. I was so scared and my Post Traumatic Stress kicked in to full gear. I started hyperventilating. I did not know what was going on, and they were strapping me down to something. I saw lights and heard everybody talking at once to me telling me to calm down. Next thing I know I was loopy and in the hospital. I found out later that my best friend called the ambulance while Spencer was trying to talk to me. The doctor let me go home, giving me anxiety medication to calm me down if I started to freak out again.
I had to go back to my doctor, but in the end he was no help. I ended up seeing a Therapist and a Psychiatrist. They put me on the right medications, helping me with not only depression, but anxiety, panic, PTSD, and a mood disorder. Months passed and I was seeing my therapist weekly, trying to unfold my past and get it out. Because of months of this therapy, I started to panic. I dreaded seeing my therapist, he was a great man and easy to talk to, but I could not revisit those memories again. They were getting to be too much for me to handle, and that is when I broke.
I went nuts, I was not sleeping and I could not take care of anything or anybody. In the end, I ended up in the hospital's Inpatient Ward twice in a months time because I could not hold it together. I got the help I needed, and thought I could do it. For a while it worked. I was not better by any means, but I felt I could move on at a slow pace. But then after a couple of months, I was starting to crack again. But I was holding it in better, not telling anyone what I was feeling. I felt this was the only way to make sure that I did not go crazy. But I did. I was not happy, and I was angry at everything and everybody. I could not take care of myself. I did not leave the house. And I did not willingly see people. I was functioning at a very basic level. I took care of Addy and that was it. She was the only thing that was keeping me here mentally.
Then that was getting to be unbearable as well... and that is when I snapped. I was mentally gone. I could not deal with my life, or life in general. I started cutting myself, just to feel something. When that started to go numb as well, I was finished with myself, everyone, and everything. That was the night I tried to take all the pain away... even myself. I tried twice. But Spencer was there twice to make sure I did not go. I did go back to Inpatient Therapy for trying to commit suicide. I hated the hospital, I still do, but I did not want to be there. I did not want to be anywhere. I wanted to be gone. When I got home, I was still not back to a normal state. I was still cutting myself and still functioning at a very basic level.
That is when Spencer sent me to California. I was so upset that I was being forced to go, but I went. At first I was so depressed about being there, I wanted to be home. But eventually it got better. My sisters were life savers. They brought me back from the living dead, and reminded me that I did have a wonderful life. I had a beautiful daughter and a loving husband, both whom I loved desperately. I found that I did not want this to be my life. I did not want to except that my life would be like this, miserable and numb. I did not want to think that this was going to be forever, that when my life becomes hell, that I will end up in the hospital. I did not want that.
That is when I sat down and prayed for the first time in a long time. Afterwards, I really did feel better. Granted my life did not go back to being perfect, but I felt I could mend. I felt hope for the first time in two and a half years. And that is where I am at today. On the mend, and hoping that my life will somehow work it self out and I will become better. That I will eventually be myself again. I still do see a Therapist and a Psychiatrist, and they have been extremely helpful to me. But yes, that is where I am at in life... hoping and trying to focus on being happy.
Two and a half years ago I had the most beautiful baby girl in the world. She was perfect. She had to go to the NICU for two weeks, but other than that she was amazing. When she came home she was so good. She never cried unless she was hungry or needed some mommy time. But for some reason I was not happy. I cried all the time. My nerves were on edge all the time. And I felt like an insane person. My life went on like this for about a year until I could not handle it anymore. I was literally tearing my hair out because of the stress of it all. So I confided in my two best friends. One just loved me and told me that it will be okay, and the other told me to go to my doctor.
So I went to the doctor and he said I had post-pardem depression. I thought, "Okay, this is dealable right?" I was given something for the depression and I went along my way. It was going to take about a month to take a real affect, so I bid my time and waited. After a month, things were still not better, I actually felt worse because I was depressed that this was not working. I felt I should have been fixed by now! What the hell, right! So I went back to the doctor and of course I was given something else to try. Alas, it failed and I was right back where I started. So one day I just gave up. I was sitting on my kitchen floor crying when Addy came up to me needing something and I did not respond. She was smacking me on the face, and I got up and went to my room and started bawling. Again, sitting on the floor, in a big heap of unfolded laundry, I sat there crying. Then I stopped and went numb.
Everything felt like a dream. Nothing was real, and I felt nothing.. I could hear two people talking to me, but still I was gone. Next thing I know someone I did not know was picking me up and I started to scream. I was so scared and my Post Traumatic Stress kicked in to full gear. I started hyperventilating. I did not know what was going on, and they were strapping me down to something. I saw lights and heard everybody talking at once to me telling me to calm down. Next thing I know I was loopy and in the hospital. I found out later that my best friend called the ambulance while Spencer was trying to talk to me. The doctor let me go home, giving me anxiety medication to calm me down if I started to freak out again.
I had to go back to my doctor, but in the end he was no help. I ended up seeing a Therapist and a Psychiatrist. They put me on the right medications, helping me with not only depression, but anxiety, panic, PTSD, and a mood disorder. Months passed and I was seeing my therapist weekly, trying to unfold my past and get it out. Because of months of this therapy, I started to panic. I dreaded seeing my therapist, he was a great man and easy to talk to, but I could not revisit those memories again. They were getting to be too much for me to handle, and that is when I broke.
I went nuts, I was not sleeping and I could not take care of anything or anybody. In the end, I ended up in the hospital's Inpatient Ward twice in a months time because I could not hold it together. I got the help I needed, and thought I could do it. For a while it worked. I was not better by any means, but I felt I could move on at a slow pace. But then after a couple of months, I was starting to crack again. But I was holding it in better, not telling anyone what I was feeling. I felt this was the only way to make sure that I did not go crazy. But I did. I was not happy, and I was angry at everything and everybody. I could not take care of myself. I did not leave the house. And I did not willingly see people. I was functioning at a very basic level. I took care of Addy and that was it. She was the only thing that was keeping me here mentally.
Then that was getting to be unbearable as well... and that is when I snapped. I was mentally gone. I could not deal with my life, or life in general. I started cutting myself, just to feel something. When that started to go numb as well, I was finished with myself, everyone, and everything. That was the night I tried to take all the pain away... even myself. I tried twice. But Spencer was there twice to make sure I did not go. I did go back to Inpatient Therapy for trying to commit suicide. I hated the hospital, I still do, but I did not want to be there. I did not want to be anywhere. I wanted to be gone. When I got home, I was still not back to a normal state. I was still cutting myself and still functioning at a very basic level.
That is when Spencer sent me to California. I was so upset that I was being forced to go, but I went. At first I was so depressed about being there, I wanted to be home. But eventually it got better. My sisters were life savers. They brought me back from the living dead, and reminded me that I did have a wonderful life. I had a beautiful daughter and a loving husband, both whom I loved desperately. I found that I did not want this to be my life. I did not want to except that my life would be like this, miserable and numb. I did not want to think that this was going to be forever, that when my life becomes hell, that I will end up in the hospital. I did not want that.
That is when I sat down and prayed for the first time in a long time. Afterwards, I really did feel better. Granted my life did not go back to being perfect, but I felt I could mend. I felt hope for the first time in two and a half years. And that is where I am at today. On the mend, and hoping that my life will somehow work it self out and I will become better. That I will eventually be myself again. I still do see a Therapist and a Psychiatrist, and they have been extremely helpful to me. But yes, that is where I am at in life... hoping and trying to focus on being happy.
Monday, May 23, 2011
The power of the young mind.
Independence is when a little person's brain realizes that he/she has a mind of his/her own. When a child comes to this realization, they feel powerful. They can do anything they want, without any consequences. Nothing is in their way, and nothing will get in their way. Nothing can stop them.
Addy has come to this realization over the past two months. She has been a sweet little terror. No matter what she does, no matter what kind of punishment, she laughs in my face. Just the other day, I made oatmeal for Addalynn. When I told her to eat her breakfast, she did okay in the beginning. But she started to stir the oatmeal. Then she picked up the oatmeal and started dropping it back into her bowl... while doing this, she is getting the goopy stuff all over the counter, her chair and not to mention herself!
So , I looked at Addalynn and told her to stop, otherwise she would go to time out. She just stared at me. Then she started to laugh. While laughing, she started blowing bubbles into her oatmeal. It was as if I wasn't even there! I told her to stop one more time, again she looked at me, and started taking spoonfuls of the oatmeal, while watching me with no smile, and dropping the oatmeal on the counter. Fuming, I grabbed the spoon and bowl, and while I was at the sink getting a wash cloth she smeared the oatmeal not only on the counter, but into her hair and on her clothes.
I almost went nuts my friends. I did not even care she was filthy, I picked her up and put her in time out. Well, time out did not go over well. She was wriggling around, sliding down the wall and crawling across the floor. I mean seriously, time out was for two minutes and during this time I was wrangling her just to get her to stay in time out. After a minute she was screaming on the top of her lungs as if I was beating her. I was so mad... I lost it completely! So I took her into the bathroom, closed the door, and walked away for two minutes.
At first, she just kept screaming. So I sat there waiting. When she finally went silent, I opened the door... and yes, it only got worse. There was toilet paper everywhere. Liquid soap was dispensed all over the floor, and not only was she sticky, but completely wet. I walked away for two minutes, and she manages to destroy the bathroom! At that point I had no idea what to do. I was lost. I felt like crying. So I sat down on the floor and did exactly that.
About 30 seconds later Addy was crying and came over to me, she gives me a huge hug and cries out her sorries. My anger and frustration melted away. Even though I had oatmeal on me and that morning started out crazy, one thing I knew for sure... Addalynn loved me. She did not mean to start a crazy morning, she was just testing her boundaries. And really who can blame her. After all, she is two and learning about the world and what's around her.
Even though that morning was one of the hardest mornings I ever had with her, I knew Addalynn learned something. She knew what she did was wrong and when to say sorry. I can not say that she stopped pushing her young mind into the depths of open waters known as boundaries, because that would be ridiculous. But I can say, even though she is hard headed, she is sharp and has the best hugs in the world. Ones that makes even the roughest of mornings better.
Addy has come to this realization over the past two months. She has been a sweet little terror. No matter what she does, no matter what kind of punishment, she laughs in my face. Just the other day, I made oatmeal for Addalynn. When I told her to eat her breakfast, she did okay in the beginning. But she started to stir the oatmeal. Then she picked up the oatmeal and started dropping it back into her bowl... while doing this, she is getting the goopy stuff all over the counter, her chair and not to mention herself!
So , I looked at Addalynn and told her to stop, otherwise she would go to time out. She just stared at me. Then she started to laugh. While laughing, she started blowing bubbles into her oatmeal. It was as if I wasn't even there! I told her to stop one more time, again she looked at me, and started taking spoonfuls of the oatmeal, while watching me with no smile, and dropping the oatmeal on the counter. Fuming, I grabbed the spoon and bowl, and while I was at the sink getting a wash cloth she smeared the oatmeal not only on the counter, but into her hair and on her clothes.
I almost went nuts my friends. I did not even care she was filthy, I picked her up and put her in time out. Well, time out did not go over well. She was wriggling around, sliding down the wall and crawling across the floor. I mean seriously, time out was for two minutes and during this time I was wrangling her just to get her to stay in time out. After a minute she was screaming on the top of her lungs as if I was beating her. I was so mad... I lost it completely! So I took her into the bathroom, closed the door, and walked away for two minutes.
At first, she just kept screaming. So I sat there waiting. When she finally went silent, I opened the door... and yes, it only got worse. There was toilet paper everywhere. Liquid soap was dispensed all over the floor, and not only was she sticky, but completely wet. I walked away for two minutes, and she manages to destroy the bathroom! At that point I had no idea what to do. I was lost. I felt like crying. So I sat down on the floor and did exactly that.
About 30 seconds later Addy was crying and came over to me, she gives me a huge hug and cries out her sorries. My anger and frustration melted away. Even though I had oatmeal on me and that morning started out crazy, one thing I knew for sure... Addalynn loved me. She did not mean to start a crazy morning, she was just testing her boundaries. And really who can blame her. After all, she is two and learning about the world and what's around her.
Even though that morning was one of the hardest mornings I ever had with her, I knew Addalynn learned something. She knew what she did was wrong and when to say sorry. I can not say that she stopped pushing her young mind into the depths of open waters known as boundaries, because that would be ridiculous. But I can say, even though she is hard headed, she is sharp and has the best hugs in the world. Ones that makes even the roughest of mornings better.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Kisses...
It seemed only natural to post something about kissing this close to Valentines Day, but I am not talking about the normal types of kissing. So here it goes.
There are many types of kisses, each one ranging at different levels and different intensity... but the most valued, most pure, most coveted of all kisses are the ones given by mommies to owies. Yes, the Boo-boo Kiss is in fact the most powerful kiss one can receive. Children know this, because it is only natural to run to their mommy in a time of horrid tragedy and cry out, "MOMMY! AN OWIE! KISS IT!"
Now, you already know that a Boo-boo kiss cures owies, bumps, bruises, and yes the occasional paper cut. But what some do not realize is, that not only does it cure those hurts and owies, it also cures tear streaked faces, broken spirits and the heart of a whimpering child. A child in itself is already so delicate, that only the most special type of person with the most special type of kiss can really lift their suddenly gloomy day.
The Boo-boo Kiss has special qualities because of the love that it is backed up by. When a mother sees that her most precious treasure is hurting or crying, it is not only the child's heart that breaks, but the mommy's too. Mother's have such a close connection to their children because of that instant connection when they are born. To hold them in your arms after long hours of waiting, is not only magical but the world is put on pause. Whether you have your child because you had to wait 9 months, 2 years or even wait for a wonderful mother to pick you, that connection is by definition magical.
This magic is carried on throughout the years by the mothers. It is a necessity to have, for when that day comes that your child cries out for you and your heart breaks, the only tool you have is the only tool you need... your instinctual magical mommy Boo-boo Kiss.
There are many types of kisses, each one ranging at different levels and different intensity... but the most valued, most pure, most coveted of all kisses are the ones given by mommies to owies. Yes, the Boo-boo Kiss is in fact the most powerful kiss one can receive. Children know this, because it is only natural to run to their mommy in a time of horrid tragedy and cry out, "MOMMY! AN OWIE! KISS IT!"
Now, you already know that a Boo-boo kiss cures owies, bumps, bruises, and yes the occasional paper cut. But what some do not realize is, that not only does it cure those hurts and owies, it also cures tear streaked faces, broken spirits and the heart of a whimpering child. A child in itself is already so delicate, that only the most special type of person with the most special type of kiss can really lift their suddenly gloomy day.
The Boo-boo Kiss has special qualities because of the love that it is backed up by. When a mother sees that her most precious treasure is hurting or crying, it is not only the child's heart that breaks, but the mommy's too. Mother's have such a close connection to their children because of that instant connection when they are born. To hold them in your arms after long hours of waiting, is not only magical but the world is put on pause. Whether you have your child because you had to wait 9 months, 2 years or even wait for a wonderful mother to pick you, that connection is by definition magical.
This magic is carried on throughout the years by the mothers. It is a necessity to have, for when that day comes that your child cries out for you and your heart breaks, the only tool you have is the only tool you need... your instinctual magical mommy Boo-boo Kiss.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Back In The Saddle Again.
It has been a long time coming, this post... I just have taken my sweet time writing it. Yes ladies and gentlemen I am back on my weight loss path. No I am not doing the same ol' crazy diet fad as I was before... stupidest thing I have ever done... but I am doing it the good old fashioned way, eating right and exercise. This has been an amazing journey so far. Oh yes, I have been doing this for 5 months and so far I have lost 26 lbs! Yay me... hold the phone...
Addy is coming in and out of my room carrying little white things and throwing them in the trash...? What is she up to? Lets investigate!
Alright folks, I am back... looks like little Addy decided it would be fun to pull out the wipes one by one and throw each one into the trash bin. Doesn't she know that she is wasting money by the pull! Jeeze, kids are wasters of good hard earned cash! What am I going to do with my little super cutie?
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I have decided to lose in total 80 lbs. So far I am proud with myself! I am a little over a quarter of a way there! I have been working very hard by running and eating the way I should, also I have had help from the kind people over at Weight Watchers. It is a great program. Also, I have good friends who are doing this with me, and that kind of support is always nice to have. So soon, hopefully I will be a skinnier and sexier me!
Now I am not saying I want to look like a stick with no curves, because lets get real... what man likes a woman that has no boobs, no butt and a sexy pair of legs? Not my man! He loves it all, he even likes a little bit of extra goodness as he calls it. I wont go into further detail, because lets face it, he is a man and men tend to go a little overboard with descriptions of a sexy female. Not saying women do not talk... because oh we do! We have lucious talks of men... but always in the company of other women. Men will stop and stare when a pair of ripe boobies are in view. Tisk tisk. No tact.
See you need to be like my friend Karen... this girl is not afraid of anything. She will speak her mind, tell you how it is and what it is like the drop of a hat. But the girl has style and tact. I learn much from the ways of Karen. How to do a craft made straight from tulle and ribbons or how to discretely tell your BFF how your husband is so hot and you want him now. Yes this girl knows it all.
I know what your thinking... "Megan, how is what your saying being discrete?" Well, honestly, I am not and I don't care. It is a blog and it came to my mind, not everyone reads it, just my friends who show interest in my life... and those people are usually the ones who laugh right along with me.
But this is way off track, as I was saying, I do not want to be scary and thin Paris Hilton or fake boobs Megan Fox, I want to look like me just thinner. Dont get me wrong I would love to look like Scarlett Johansson, because even I have a crush on the girl. But then I would not be me, and I always want to have my gorgeous voluptuous curves.
Addy is coming in and out of my room carrying little white things and throwing them in the trash...? What is she up to? Lets investigate!
Alright folks, I am back... looks like little Addy decided it would be fun to pull out the wipes one by one and throw each one into the trash bin. Doesn't she know that she is wasting money by the pull! Jeeze, kids are wasters of good hard earned cash! What am I going to do with my little super cutie?
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I have decided to lose in total 80 lbs. So far I am proud with myself! I am a little over a quarter of a way there! I have been working very hard by running and eating the way I should, also I have had help from the kind people over at Weight Watchers. It is a great program. Also, I have good friends who are doing this with me, and that kind of support is always nice to have. So soon, hopefully I will be a skinnier and sexier me!
Now I am not saying I want to look like a stick with no curves, because lets get real... what man likes a woman that has no boobs, no butt and a sexy pair of legs? Not my man! He loves it all, he even likes a little bit of extra goodness as he calls it. I wont go into further detail, because lets face it, he is a man and men tend to go a little overboard with descriptions of a sexy female. Not saying women do not talk... because oh we do! We have lucious talks of men... but always in the company of other women. Men will stop and stare when a pair of ripe boobies are in view. Tisk tisk. No tact.
See you need to be like my friend Karen... this girl is not afraid of anything. She will speak her mind, tell you how it is and what it is like the drop of a hat. But the girl has style and tact. I learn much from the ways of Karen. How to do a craft made straight from tulle and ribbons or how to discretely tell your BFF how your husband is so hot and you want him now. Yes this girl knows it all.
I know what your thinking... "Megan, how is what your saying being discrete?" Well, honestly, I am not and I don't care. It is a blog and it came to my mind, not everyone reads it, just my friends who show interest in my life... and those people are usually the ones who laugh right along with me.
But this is way off track, as I was saying, I do not want to be scary and thin Paris Hilton or fake boobs Megan Fox, I want to look like me just thinner. Dont get me wrong I would love to look like Scarlett Johansson, because even I have a crush on the girl. But then I would not be me, and I always want to have my gorgeous voluptuous curves.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Ear, nose, and throat infections! Oh my!!!
Like all children, my baby got sick. Yes, a swollen throat, runny nose and achy ears prove it. She was running a fever last Thursday, and when daddy took her to the Doctors the proof was in the pudding. Now I know this is a lame topic, because lets get real... kids get sick. It wasn't the first nor will it be the last. But taking care of her is the real story...
Remember how I said she is starting to distract? Well, she learned to manipulate the situation from the best manipulator ever... me! Yes, when I am sick I am so groggy and a down right pain. Spencer must really love me to put up with me, because I ask for this and for that, lay in bed and moan... I am as bad as a man with a sniffle!
But back to Addy, even though she was sick she made me laugh. Addy was laying in my bed with her Pedialite and stuffed monkey, and she turns to me and says, "Mommy, Elmi please." By the way, Elmi is Elmo, she cant say the O for some reason. So anyways, I pop in Elmi, and she cries out "No!". So I figured she wanted another Elmo dvd, so I pop in another. Again, "No!"
Well I was running out of options, because we only have three DVDs, so I put in the last one. This time she starts bawling. Big ol' crocodile tears running down her face and the biggest tantrum I have seen yet! I ask her what is the problem and she just moans and cries, "Elmi... Elmi... Elmi". So the last thing I could think of was going online and seeing if she wanted to watch a clip of Elmo.
Success! So for 2 hours we sat there as I clicked on links of Elmo, with her telling me yes or no to the videos. And the one she wanted to see the most often was this one...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyVzjoj96vs
Check it out, it is cute.
But there you go, another growing moment for both baby and mommy.
Remember how I said she is starting to distract? Well, she learned to manipulate the situation from the best manipulator ever... me! Yes, when I am sick I am so groggy and a down right pain. Spencer must really love me to put up with me, because I ask for this and for that, lay in bed and moan... I am as bad as a man with a sniffle!
But back to Addy, even though she was sick she made me laugh. Addy was laying in my bed with her Pedialite and stuffed monkey, and she turns to me and says, "Mommy, Elmi please." By the way, Elmi is Elmo, she cant say the O for some reason. So anyways, I pop in Elmi, and she cries out "No!". So I figured she wanted another Elmo dvd, so I pop in another. Again, "No!"
Well I was running out of options, because we only have three DVDs, so I put in the last one. This time she starts bawling. Big ol' crocodile tears running down her face and the biggest tantrum I have seen yet! I ask her what is the problem and she just moans and cries, "Elmi... Elmi... Elmi". So the last thing I could think of was going online and seeing if she wanted to watch a clip of Elmo.
Success! So for 2 hours we sat there as I clicked on links of Elmo, with her telling me yes or no to the videos. And the one she wanted to see the most often was this one...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyVzjoj96vs
Check it out, it is cute.
But there you go, another growing moment for both baby and mommy.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Diversion: Bath Time
Oh Addalynn. I love you my darling sweetheart.
For those who are joining us today at Club Megan are in for a treat. My adorable daughter Addalynn, the joy of my life, has started to learn the trick of diversion. Recently, she has decided that bedtime means bath time. Now for as long as I can remember these two things are not similar at all... well with the exception that both words have time at the end of it. Now you may be thinking, "How is Addy getting out of bedtime with bath time?" And that is a fantastic question! Let me tell you how.
Our house is set up where the computer room is right across from the bathroom. At night we, as a family, watch Elmo videos with Addy to get any last minute hyperness out of the way. This works like a charm, because she has her milk while chilling out with lullaby's by Elmo, Will.i.am and Katy Perry. After we are done we read scriptures and say our family prayer. But these past two nights, before scriptures and family prayer, Spencer and I made the mistake of checking our emails and Facebook and not watching where Addy goes off to.
Before we know it Addy has gone across the computer room, down the hallway and into the bathroom. She strips down butt naked and gets into the bathtub. No She does not know how turn on the tub (that would be amazing), but she sits in there calling out to us until we go and see what the fuss is about.
When we walked into the lavatory, there stood Addy, in all her glory for all the world to see. And because she is so dang adorable, we collapsed as whipped parents do and let her take a bath. No, it is not the end of the world, but I am sad that my daughter is growing up. She is smarter day by day, and that is a little hard to choke down. Call me sappy, but I miss my little baby who depended on me for everything, even taking her clothes off for a bath.
For those who are joining us today at Club Megan are in for a treat. My adorable daughter Addalynn, the joy of my life, has started to learn the trick of diversion. Recently, she has decided that bedtime means bath time. Now for as long as I can remember these two things are not similar at all... well with the exception that both words have time at the end of it. Now you may be thinking, "How is Addy getting out of bedtime with bath time?" And that is a fantastic question! Let me tell you how.
Our house is set up where the computer room is right across from the bathroom. At night we, as a family, watch Elmo videos with Addy to get any last minute hyperness out of the way. This works like a charm, because she has her milk while chilling out with lullaby's by Elmo, Will.i.am and Katy Perry. After we are done we read scriptures and say our family prayer. But these past two nights, before scriptures and family prayer, Spencer and I made the mistake of checking our emails and Facebook and not watching where Addy goes off to.
Before we know it Addy has gone across the computer room, down the hallway and into the bathroom. She strips down butt naked and gets into the bathtub. No She does not know how turn on the tub (that would be amazing), but she sits in there calling out to us until we go and see what the fuss is about.
When we walked into the lavatory, there stood Addy, in all her glory for all the world to see. And because she is so dang adorable, we collapsed as whipped parents do and let her take a bath. No, it is not the end of the world, but I am sad that my daughter is growing up. She is smarter day by day, and that is a little hard to choke down. Call me sappy, but I miss my little baby who depended on me for everything, even taking her clothes off for a bath.
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